Being Wicked:An Irene Adler x Pippa Middleton Smut
by ByrdIsTheWord
Summary: Pippa is the center of the news. But Pippa is tired of the paparazzi   Kate not listening to her. After talking with her friend, Pippa decides she needs to do something drastic to get Kate's attention. And that something goes by the name of Ms. Adler...


**Being Wicked: An Irene Adler x Pippa Middleton Smut**

**Rating: **R

**Pairing: **BBC!Irene Adler and Pippa Middleton

**Summary:** Pippa Middleton is fed up, to say the least. She wants her sister, who is Duchess of Cambridge, to just listen to her and help her hire a body guard for protection. Every time she steps out of her house is miserable for her. She has to speed away from the paparazzi and avoid people at the grocery store. She goes to stay with her friend Fleur to get away from it all. After Pippa witnesses a BDSM-style scene, she begins to question her sexuality. Fleur convinces Pippa that Kate will only listen to her if she does something drastic, a scandal of sorts. Lucky for Pippa, Fleur knows just The Woman who can help her out...

**Why should I bother reading this?**: I got this idea from my friend Jordan (one half of dapperasf dot tumblr dot com) when I told her I would write her an apology smut for texting her while she was playing hide and go seek. I actually really liked the idea of using Kate and Irene and going into more detail than we saw on the show, but, after researching Pippa, I found her story to be much more to my taste. This story should be both a thrilling adventure and a steamy smut, so I hope you enjoy!

**Important Information:**

Follow my fanfiction tumblr blog ( justbeensherlocked dot tumblr dot com ) for teasers and more information, pictures, and teasers about this story and several others!

Fleur is partially an original character, but I would like it to be known that she is based off of Fleur de Guerre, a beautiful pin up girl who lives in London. Hazel is based off of several different women. Pictures of them both will go on my fanfiction blog. :)

...

Pippa sighed as she pulled her hood over her head. _Here we go again_. She braced herself as she opened the door, holding her arm up against all of the flashing lights. The paparazzi was out in full force this morning, covering every inch of her front lawn. She blinked quickly, trying not to be blinded as she tried to escape. After what seemed like ages, she finally managed to get in her car. She sighed, rubbing her eyes, feeling as if this day would be too long all ready.

She revved the engine to tell the photographers to back off unless they wanted to be run over. She sped down the street, going well over the speed limit until she was several blocks away from her ever-present stalkers. Knowing they would be on her trail, she kept driving, taking strange twists and turns to try to keep them away.

She picked up her phone and dialed her friend Fleur's number. She bit her lip as the phone rang.

"Hey, girl. What's up?" a light-hearted voice picked up.

"Hey, Fleur, I need a favor."

"Go on?" Fleur questioned.

"The paparazzi keep following me again and I was wondering if I could come stay with you...again?" she winced, feeling guilty for continually asking her friend for shelter.

The other line was quiet for a moment, then Fleur started slowly, "...Well, I mean, you know you can stay with me. It's just that-"

"Really?" Pippa smiled, holding back an excited squeal. It wasn't often she could escape from her stress of being constantly watched and every chance she got to hide made her incredibly happy.

"Well, yes, of course, but I-"

"Thank you so much! I'll make it up to you I swear! I'll bring the best wine and we'll watch some of those old Hollywood movies you like so much! It's gonna be great."

"Okay, but I want you to-"

"Anything, I'll do anything. I'll go-oh, hey, wait, Kate's on the other line. Look, I think I know what this is about," she rolled her eyes, "so I gotta go, but I'll call you later. Bye!"

Pippa switched lines, then took a deep breath, "Yes, Kate?" she asked sternly.

"Hey," her sister said softly. "Look, about all of this..."

Pippa shifted the phone to her other shoulder. "What about it? There's nothing left to talk about if you won't do anything," she bit back.

The line was silent for a moment. "I'm trying, Pippa, you know that."

"Well, trying isn't good enough anymore!" she screamed. "I'm tired of this, Kate, I'm really, _really_ fucking tired of this bull shit," her hand gripped tighter on the steering wheel.

"I know, I know, that's why I'm trying to talk to Will, but I-"

"But what?" she snapped.

"I just don't think there's anything we can really do."

"You mean you're not going to help me."

"That's not what I said, I-"

"Listen up, _I'm_ not the one who decided to marry into the royal family. I never _wanted_ any of this publicity. Do you think it's fun having to cover my face everywhere I go so that I don't end up in every magazine sold on the streets? Do you know how hard it is to get away from these people?" she choked back tears. "I love you, Kate, I really do, but this is getting to be too much. I don't know what it's going to take for you to realise that. I just-"

"I get it, I know, I really do. I feel-"

"No, you really don't. _You_ get a body guard. Hell, you have, like, ten! I get _harassed_ every. fucking. day. But, no, I can't get help from the crown because I never fucking married into the royal goddamn family!" she yelled at her sister. "Look, don't fucking talk to me until you either make some kind of deal with the press or get me a body guard. I don't care if it's 'not your place' to ask that from Will! It's not my place to not have any fucking privacy! You know I can't afford a body guard, not right now with my book deal I'm still paying off."

"You have several job offers coming your way that would more than pay for-"

"Cut the crap! It's not my place to be hiring a body guard anyway. I'm talking to lawyers and I will sue the press, but, really Kate, you _need_ to help me. Good bye, Kate," she hung up her phone and threw it across the car.

She huffed, trying to compose herself. _I just don't understand why this is so difficult for her. It was her actions that made the paparazzi follow me around in the first place; she's the only reason I was ever noticed. All I need is a body guard, and it's not like Will doesn't have enough money to afford it. She can donate to all the charities she wants, but she can't even take care of her own sister? _Pippa sighed, beyond disappointed in her baby sister. _Yeah, I want them to be happy, but not at my expense. I deserve to be happy, too._

She kept on driving, eager to just get to the grocery store and then to Fleur's house. After a couple of minutes, she finally reached the store.

She got out of the car, slamming the door and running into the store. She was greeted by annoyingly happy elevator-style music and gaping people everywhere, who, without a doubt, would soon be asking her for her autograph or photograph.

"Oh, not again!" a man yelled at the chip-and-pin machine he was using, causing Pippa to look up. "I'm going to smash this damn thing one day!" he raised his walking stick and pointed at it accusingly.

Pippa had to hold back a laugh; the short blonde man in his black and white jumper was quite the sight. _Well, at least everyone's looking at him now,_ she reminded herself as she turned her eyes back to the ground. Happy for the distraction, she covered her head with her hood and jogged to the wine aisle. _Hmm, let's see. What am I doing? I don't know a thing about wine._

"Hey!" she called out to the store associate who was walking by.

"Yes?" the young man turned around.

"I need to buy a good wine, like, a really good wine for my friend. I think she likes red wine."

"Oh, I know just the thing. I'll take you in the back," he turned around and started walking.

After passing a few aisles, they reached a door in the wall, which he held open for her.

"Thank you," she smiled, taking her hood off as she scooted ahead of him.

"Right," he passed her, walking up to the shelves. "Well, we don't keep these in the front since they're so expensive," he turned down an aisle, "but they're really nice. What kind of wine did you say she liked again?" he turned around and, when he did, his jaw dropped. "You're...you're..."

"Ready to call security if you don't get me my wine? Sure am."

"No, but you're...you're Kate Middleton!" he broke into a big smile.

Pippa frowned. _If this guy is going to act like some teenage fan boy, he should at least get my goddamn name right. _"No, sorry. But, I do want some wine."

He continued to beam at her, "Well, you sure do look like her! The resemblance is-"

"Red," she bit out, too aggravated to put up with this chav.

"Sorry, what?" he looked confused.

"Red. Wine." She gritted her teeth.

"Oh, right," he turned back to the shelf and pulled off a bottle. "Well, the one I have here," he grabbed a nice-sized bottle and held it out to her, "is a Carso Vitovsk by Benjamin Zidarich, who is a very famous Italian wine-"

"How much is it?" Pippa interrupted him.

"Well, it's thirty-five euros, so it's a bit hefty, but the-"

"I'll take it," she shot him a pained smile, holding her hand out to take the bottle.

He handed it to her, and she quickly turned around, eager to get out of the store room.

"You sure you're not Kate Middleton?" he called after her.

"Positive," she didn't even turn around to face him. She grabbed the door handle and walked out. She hurried, pulling her hood over her head quickly, looking down as she walked. She finally got to the self check out.

She swiped the bottle of wine over the scanner, which immediately started wildly beeping.

"Error! Please scan again. Error!" the automated voice seemed to yell at her.

"Shh! Shh!" she whisper-shouted at the chip-and-pin machine. The last thing she needed was to draw attention to herself. She scanned the bottle again quickly.

"Error! Please scan again!" the machine continued to yell and beep at her.

"Oh, stop it!" she gritted her teeth.

"Error! Please call store associate!" the machine seemed to be laughing at her.

"Oh, no, oh god, no," Pippa squeezed her eyes shut tight. She mentally kicked herself for laughing at the other poor soul who went through this earlier. _What goes around comes around._

Pippa looked around frantically before running over to the next machine. She scanned the bottle frantically, and shoved her card into the slot, then grabbed the bottle and ran. She had never purchased a bottle of wine so quickly in her entire life. She reached her car, and threw herself inside. She took several deep breaths before placing the wine bottle on the floor in the back. She shook herself, glad there was still no sign of photographers, and buckled herself in. _Off to Fleur's, finally, _she thought to herself as she started up the car.

She arrived at Fleur's just a few minutes later, parking her car on the shady side street that the paparazzi would never dream to turn on to. She got out and grabbed the wine bottle, heaving a sigh of relief. She walked up to the familiar white door and buzzed flat 221.

"Pippa?" Fleur's voice came over the intercom.

"Hey! Can you buzz me in?" Pippa smiled, finally feeling a bit relaxed.

"Yep, hold on," Fleur pressed a button. "Okay, try now."

"Thanks!" Pippa called back as she opened the door. She trotted up the stairs and turned down the left hallway to see Fleur waiting for her.

"Come here!" Fleur broke into a huge smile, beckoning Pippa to give her a hug.

Pippa smiled and ran over to her friend, embracing her tightly. "Thank you _so much_," she said.

"Anything for you, darling," Fleur pulled out of the hug, wiping a strand of her long black hair away from her ruby red lips. "Let's get you settled in," she held open the door to her flat. Pippa handed her the bottle of wine.

Pippa walked in and was a bit shocked to see a full photo background set up and several whips and handcuffs all over the ground. "Are you doing a photo shoot tonight, then?" Pippa turned back around.

"Well, doll, I tried to warn you on the phone, but you wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise! But don't worry about that," Fleur breezed past her, setting the wine bottle down on a table. She then turned down the hallway, saying, "I've got you all set up in the guest room down here."

Pippa followed her down the hall and into the room. She flopped onto the familiar blue gingham bed, melting into the sheets, feeling tired all ready.

"Looks like you won't even _need_ any wine tonight," Fleur laughed.

Pippa smiled up at her, yawning a bit. "I think I might just take a nap and come out later. Would that be all right?"

"No, of course not. You can't take a nap in this house, who do you think you are?" Fleur stuck a tongue out at her. "I'll try to keep Hazel quiet for you."

Pippa furrowed her brows.

"She's my sub tonight," Fleur explained.

"Ahh," Pippa nodded.

"Sleep tight." Fleur smiled.

"Thanks." Pippa watched Fleur flip off the light and exit the room before rolling over with a _humph_. She closed her eyes and stretched, grabbing onto the blanket and kicking off her shoes. She nuzzled against the pillow and took a few breaths before dozing off.

"Oh, please, more!" a shrill scream woke Pippa up with a start.

"Down, slut! Don't talk!" Pippa heard Fleur yell back.

Pippa rubbed her eyes. Her stomach gurgled and she realised she hadn't really eaten all day. _Well, I'm sure it won't disturb them if I just go make myself some soup._ She swung her legs over the bed and went to the door. She cracked open the door slowly, not wanting to startle her flat mates.

She held back a gasp at what she saw. She had all ways heard about Fleur's work but had never seen it in action. Fleur, sporting a black corset and black stockings, held a riding crop in her hand and a snarl on her face. She swung down the crop against the legs of the girl on the ground, a redhead wearing nothing but a leather collar, handcuffs, and what appeared to be chocolate syrup.

The girl moaned at the stinging sensation. Fleur bent down and smacked the redhead across the face. "Hazel! Be. Quiet!" she snarled.

Hazel's eyes widened as she nodded, lifting her chest up seductively.

Pippa turned her gaze to the right to see a cameraman filming the encounter. Her eyes drifted back to Fleur and Hazel.

Fleur used the riding crop to trace slowly up Hazel's body, making the redhead shiver. "Let's tie you up," Fleur smirked. Fleur roughly dragged a wooden chair from the side of the set, placing it right above Hazel's head. She then grabbed Hazel roughly by the shoulders and tossed her onto the chair. She grabbed a chain from off the floor and proceeded to tie Hazel up.

Pippa shook her head, but she could not tear her eyes away from the pair. She watched for a few more minutes as Fleur began licking Hazel's body. Pippa's eyes widened as she scampered back into her room. She heaved against her door, trying to steady her breathing. She felt as if she had run a marathon, not just watched her friend lick another woman.

_Well, I'm certainly not getting any food right now,_ she thought as she plopped back down on the bed. _Might as well try to get some rest,_ she tried to shake her less wholesome thoughts out of her head. her valiant efforts were soon rendered useless when, right on the edge of sleep, she heard a soft moan from the other room.

She shut her eyes tight, scared and confused by the way she was thinking and the sensations she was feelings by hearing this sound.

"Oh, God, unnnnh," a helpless cry came from the other room.

"Quiet!" Fleur yelled before Pippa heard her give Hazel a big smack.

"Huhhh," Pippa's breath was shaky as she tried to calm herself down. She pulled the blankets in tighter.

Pippa bit her lip, trying to picture a nice picnic or some other normal thought. But the moans and smacks from the living room only got louder and Pippa lost her focus more and more. By the time the moans had turned into screams, Pippa had lost all control and had started stroking her clit through her panties. She was surprised to find that she was all ready soaking wet. She continued stroking herself until she was grunting in time with the erratic smacks she heard being delivered. When she heard Hazel cursing and Fleur yelling back, she went over the edge. She bit her lip as she came, the entire bed vibrating beneath her twitching body. After she stopped spasming, she licked her fingers clean before running her hand through her glistening hair.

She huffed and cast her eyes down in shame. What was she doing? She felt...embarrassed for having got off to the sound of two ladies who were, basically, torturing each other. Confused and upset, she pulled the covers over her head and hummed herself to sleep.

She woke up feeling much more at ease with the previous night's events. She decided that there was no getting around it; she had gotten off to a pair of submissive and dominant ladies. She waved the issue off, saying she'd just chalk it up to experience. But a deeper part of her knew that this experience was one she'd want again.

She shook her head and yawned, feeling like these thoughts were just too much for her this early in the morning. She hopped out of bed and popped out the door.

She ruffled her hair as she walked down the short hallway and into the kitchen.

"Well, good morning, sunshine," Fleur smiled at her over a cup of tea.

"Hey," Pippa smiled. "How'd it go last night?"

Fleur beamed. "Really well, actually. Hazel's a doll and oh so fun to work with. I see you got some rest," she laughed.

"Yeah, quite the nap, really," Pippa laughed.

"Glad you were comfortable," Fleur raised tea cup to her mouth.

"Yeah, I was, I really was. And I want to thank you again, Fleur. This means so much to me. It's just really hard with the paparazzi being everywhere, and it is so nice to get away. And you're too wonderful for having me here. I can't thank you enough."

"You know you're all ways welcome when you need me. Now," Fleur set down her tea cup, "I don't mean to sound rude or pushy, but what did your sister say when she called yesterday?"

Pippa rolled her eyes. "Oh, the same old, same old. She doesn't feel like it's her place, she's trying, yadda yadda," she shrugged. "I don't know what it's going to take for her to listen to me. It's so frustrating," she massaged her temples.

Fleur tapped her fingers on the table, sighing. "Well, I hate to say it, but I think it's about time that you do something drastic."

"Drastic?" Pippa raised a brow.

"Well, just do something as some sort of, oh, I don't know...blackmail," Fleur smiled devilishly.

"Blackmail?" Pippa raised her eyebrows pointedly. "You think _I'm _capable of blackmail.?"

"Why, yes," Fleur leaned forward, "I often think you're capable of anything." Fleur took another sip of tea, raising her brows right back.

"And so what do you propose I do?" Pippa asked.

"Something...scandalous."

"Such as...?"

"Well," Fleur smiled, "you want to do something that could ruin your sister's name. Something that not even her body guards could protect her from. Ooh, this is _exciting!_" Fleur smiled, wiggling her shoulders and scrunching up her nose.

Pippa bit her lips and shook her head. "No, I don't want to ruin her name, really."

"Well, you're not going to, that's just the thing. You'll just pretend like you're going to so that she will bend to you."

"So what's your evil plan?"

"Well, I think that there should be some naughty pictures taken of her royal highness," Fleur grinned.

"What? No! I'm not paying someone to photograph my sister naked!"

"You're right. _You're_ going to be in some compromising positions at angles at which you look like your sister."

Pippa couldn't believe her ears. Was Fleur really suggesting that she take compromising photographs of herself so that she looked like Kate, all for her sister to grow up and listen to her? "Are you serious?" she voiced her thoughts.

"Of course I am! It's a classic scandal, and oh-so-fitting for your little 'good girl' Kate." Besides, there are all ready rumors that she and Will are having issues; the press will eat this up!" Fleur squealed with excitement. "Oh, this is just too fun!"

Pippa twiddled her thumbs. "Well...I don't know. I don't want to risk ruining my sister's reputation."

"Oh, honey, don't worry about that," Fleur dismissed her thoughts with a flip of her hand. "Half of the papers nearly do that every day."

"You really think I should do this?" Pippa rested her chin in her hand.

"Do you really think you deserve no help?" Fleur countered.

Pippa chewed on her lip. _Well, at least it would give me a good excuse to experiment with a lady or something_. She looked down, biting her tongue._ I really need to figure out what I was thinking last night._ "I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but, I kind of like your idea," she winced, still a bit unsure.

Fleur punched the air with a low "yes."

"But, the thing is, I have no idea who I would go to," Pippa admitted.

"Oh, I know just The Woman," Fleur smiled slowly. "I'll call her now." She picked up her cell phone and dialed a number.

Pippa's heart rate went up as she tried to contain her joy. She was going to be in compromising photos...with another _woman_. She felt squirmy when she remembered her session in bed not too long ago. And that was only from _hearing_ Fleur and Hazel. She bit back a moan.

Fleur winked at Pippa as she held the phone to her ear. "Ms. Adler? I think you have a new client."

. . .

"What exactly do you require of me, Miss Middleton?" Irene smiled at her latest client from behind the door, eyeing her up. She had brown eyes, long brown hair, and quite the figure. _She certainly will be fun to play with._

"Uh, hi," Pippa waved, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "Pippa," she smiled awkwardly, holding out her hand.

Irene smiled. _I all ways do like the shy ones. They're my naughtiest. _Irene swung open the door, letting Pippa in. "Ms. Adler," her slender, longer hand enveloped Pippa's smaller one.

Pippa's eyes grew wide as she saw how incredibly unclothed Irene was. She took a moment to compose herself. "Uh, so, Irene," Pippa laughed nervously, "how is this-"

"Ms. Adler." The woman turned away. "You may _not_ call me Irene," she called back as she walked into another room.

Pippa stared mesmerized. Her eyes watched the other woman's swaying hips excitedly. She shook her head, closed her apparently-open mouth and followed her, her cheeks growing red.

Irene was sitting at a vanity, lifting the top of a small box delicately. She reached in, picking up a pair of opera-length latex gloves, which she then rolled slowly up her arms, making eye contact in the mirror with Pippa the entire time.

Pippa had felt less sexually vulnerable watching a porno. Yet still she stared, utterly captivated.

Irene sensed her client's uneasiness, smiling slowly. "I was thinking we'd start you off in the chair, as Fleur suggested," Irene glanced back. "How does that sound?" Irene winked at the blushing girl.

Pippa's mouth hung open, too stunned for words. "I-I, well, I-"

"Oh, shhhhh," Irene pursed her lips, "your voice won't be required."

Irene turned back to face the mirror, reaching back into the box to take out a strange looking...bracelet? Pippa had never seen anything like it before. It was a thick leather strap that had little metal rings on it and a large black ball in the center.

"Oh, look at you with your little furrowed brows," Irene cooed. "You're so _innocent_," she whispered the last word. She walked over to Pippa. "We'll soon change that," she stroked her cheek softly. Then, without warning, she smacked Pippa across the face.

Pippa sharply inhaled. "What-"

Before she could utter another word, Irene had shoved the giant black ball into Pippa's mouth, tying the leather ends around the back of her head.

"Unnh!" Pippa tried to say something, but only a muffled sound came out.

"Hush now," Irene wiped a strand of hair out of Pippa's face, "we don't want you to strain yourself."

Pippa massaged her thighs nervously, not entirely sure what she was getting herself into.

"Now, isn't it a bit hot in here? Well, let's get those clothes off, shall we?"


End file.
